Living in Holland

20 years ago when Ryan was first born and then diagnosed with Down Syndrome, someone gave me a letter to read about planning a trip to Italy but your plane lands in Holland. Holland is not a bad place, but it is just not Italy , it is just different than we were expecting. Well, it has been more than a trip to Holland, it has been a journey to Holland with lots of unseen twists and turns. Ryan was born with 2 holes in his heart, a big bruise on his head, and jaundice. He stayed in the NICU and while we were there he was tested for Down Syndrome. I have to admit that I had a lot of tears. I really wanted Ryan to experience Italy. In Holland, people were very helpful at first, but as Ryan got older the help dropped off. Holland can be a very difficult place. I would say Ryan had 8 or more surgeries before he was 5 years old. Each event was a traumatic event for Ryan and truthfully for me two. He also had to ride in an ambulance several times for croup and was in the hospital for over a week with pneumonia. These things didn’t happen to my kids who were born in Italy. They may have had minor surgeries short hospitalizations, but not near as many as Ryan. Holland does have a lot of people like Ryan, but not enough resources. I have 5 kids, and all my other kids were born in Italy. They have had some bumps and bruises too, but not near to the extent of Ryan. Now Ryan sees his siblings who were born it Italy driving, going to college, working, going to parties, hanging out, being able to go to church where they have a place for them, they can have boyfriends and girlfriends and they like to travel. In Holland, Ryan is quite the home body. He likes to go to movies, Top Golf, playing putt putt, taking care of his dogs, watching wrestling, using his iPad. He tires easily and does’t feel like finishing most games – except Buddy League. Now that Ryan is older it is hard to find doctors who will see Ryan. Even though Ryan is on a private insurance, the fact that he also has Medicaid means that most doctors won’t see him. Dentists are traumatic too. Even though he has to be sedated. it is a battle to get him sedated. They also don’t have enough services to go around in Holland, so many are put on waiting lists for years. My son in Holland sees his 4 siblings in Italy and he would like to join them. In Italy they get to drive, date, go to concerts, talk or text their friends, possibly get married. Things he may not ever be able to do. If he could choose his job it would be a military cop or a wrestler. I love all my kids equally and am grateful for the opportunities they have, but it also hurts knowing all the opportunities Ryan will be left out of.